A Beautiful Day

Today the sun was shining brightly and there was a stiff breeze blowing off the ocean, rattling the windows and blowing away all the cobwebs in my house and in my mind. It was a day for enjoying a leisurely breakfast, reading the newspaper, wandering through the house doing a bit of this, a little of that, and a lot of looking out the window trying to spot the mockingbird who was intent on celebrating this beautiful day with a very special spring concert.

So I took the day off, not from work or chores, but from taking any further conscious steps down the path I have been walking for the past year or so, a path of physical renewal and spiritual growth. Traveling that path has been both difficult and rewarding, and I have come such a long way I hardly recognize myself at times.

Last spring I was battling the effects of an autoimmune disease that had taken a long time to diagnose and whose symptoms were baffling and disabling. My joints were often stiff and sore and I had odd pains that suddenly appeared and then equally suddenly disappeared only to pop up someplace else in my body. In the morning I needed a cane until my joints and muscles loosened up, and if something fell on the floor, I had to pick it up with barbeque tongs. I could not bend over far enough to reach the floor. I was becoming physically weaker and more and more depressed, but I was also becoming more and more fed up! So last spring I joined a fitness center and started exercising, slowly at first, using only some of the equipment and for short periods of time. I also started massage therapy. A year later I can see and feel many improvements. I am much stronger, more fit and a lot more flexible. Most of the time I have a lot of energy and I no longer have those feelings of helplessness and depression. However, I still have a lot of work to do, and when my symptoms flare up, as they will always do from time to time, that work can be very hard indeed. But today I took the day off, enjoying the feel of the wind and the sunshine and the fact that my hip wasn't bothering me as much today!

The physical changes I have made over the past year pale, however, in comparison to the internal changes that began to take place when I decided to deepen and expand my knowledge and practice of the Craft. I started taking classes and attending rituals, learning from and sharing with others. The work has been rewarding, exhilarating and, at times, exhausting, and I know that this work, like my physical work, is far from over. However, as I relax and enjoy this beautiful day, I realize that the change has been profound. It's been happening, a little step here, a big leap there, but I've been too involved to see the whole picture.

Where I once honored and respected the elements, I now have a personal relationship with each of them. Where I once startled myself by projecting energy while creating sacred space, I now enjoy running energy through my body. I like the feeling of sharing energy with others and sending it out into the world to do any number of things. Where I once honored the Goddess in formal moon rituals, I now talk to her regularly in the shower and today even asked her, as water was pouring out onto the bathroom floor, to please stop messing with our upstairs toilet pipes! Where I once had moments of sheer terror contemplating my own death, I now walk comfortably and confidently "between the worlds," open to opportunities to explore "all the worlds." Yes, I've come a long way, but I am well aware that this journey and this work will continue throughout this lifetime and beyond.

Today, however, I took the day off. Almost.